Under the shadow of your wings I will find my rest. Hidden that's where I'll stay

Tears

I feel like I must keep writing, for fear that if I stop, I shall not start up again for a very long time.
(Like, a year or something...lame.) Besides, I need the practice. Indeed, I am motivated more now because, my dear, sweet, Beka, "spiced up" my page for me. Thanks again friend.<3

Today, to a friend, (Another friend, not Beka. We shall call her, friend #2 for clarification.) I was describing a recent night full of tears I had cried. When she,-(friend #2) reminded me of something I once told her,..."a girl named Rachel once told me..." she began, trying to smother her laughter, "...Tears are cleansing..."
That made us both laugh; for it is always easier for me to "help" others than to
listen to my own advice.

It is OK to cry.
In fact it must be better than bottling the carking-(Websters definition of carking: burdensome, annoying.;)) emotions of our soul, all up inside.
The matter is, that there are rare occasions when we, woman for instance, cry for no reason; 97% of the time , at LEAST, we have a good reason to cry. The question is, will we let ourselves.
I, of course believe ALL men should be able to cry too. Why should woman get all the fun? No, seriously men, tears do not mean a weak man. On the contrary I admire men who are brave enough to cry.

Could that be the whole point of this random blog?
If you need to cry, CRY. And may I make the suggestion that you cry OUT to God in your distress.
"This poor man(woman) called, and the LORD heard him(her);
he saved him(her) out of all his(her) troubles. Psalm 34:6
{Yes, I made that verse my own, cuz it's been true for me, all the, "her's" and "woman", part, I added. Just thought I would clarify. I have a tendancy to want to do that...}

Tears can be cleansing. Sometimes you feel a little better, sometimes a lot, other times you just keep holding on, believeing there will be a day that you do, feel better.

There, that is my opinion, experience, and advice to those of you in the
place of "between". The space between your pain and the promises God has given you. It's tough, no doubt, but keep holding on to Jesus he is holding onto you.

He is catching your tears and saving them in a bottle.(Psalm 56:8)

Go ahead and and cry if you need to and know that Father is right there with you.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in
spirit." Psalm 34:18

Love,
Rachel

PS. There will be more happy posts to come I'm sure. It's just, that being transformed into the image of Christ is sometimes painful. But Joy, comes in the morning! I look forward to the writing subject,-(JOY)- in the near future; for many times it is filling my life's cup simultaneously with the sorrow.

...That's what it means to live by Faith.

"But I will HOPE continually..." Psalm 71:14

I will hope in MY God. Who is my only answer when nothing much makes sense to me. When I'm overwhelmed by confusing thoughts and disturbing situations, He says,
"Look at ME."
Then, I look UP, and imagine the sky rending like a klenex and the heavens opening to reveal the one who is over ALL. The one who's eyes are like flames of fire, whose head is white as wool and whose voice sounds like a waterfall.
Tell me, what else is still taking up space in your mind when you see Him in the light of His radiance?
Unfortunately in this age we are not always conscious of this heavenly reality.(We can be more aware! Col.3:1-2)
So, after gazing upon the Lord of Glory, we come back to our situation, with a more accurit perspective on life. We can take the assurance that HE holds everything together. And ask ourselves...Does He own everything?-Yes. Is He good?-Yes. Is He my Father?-Yes. Does He care?-Yes. Then... maybe the logical conclusion is: I don't have to be afraid.
He is the only Answer that I need. He will intervene in my situation in His perfect way and time, I can REST in the fact that He IS.
He is the source of True Love, Joy, and Peace. He is, in Himself, The Truth. He understands all my pain. He alone holds the world in His hands, He is the King. The Lord. The ALMIGHTY.

And He is My Lover.

"I will Hope Continually"... because He lives. He holds this world together and He is holding me.

Sometimes I see nothing, hear nothing, and feel nothing.
Then what?!!!!

"Be still and know that I am God."(Ps.46:10)

I still run to Him, I still call on Him.
"My rock of refuge, to which I may continually COME"(Ps. 71:3)

He says,
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."(Jeremiah 29:13)

Lately there has been allot of new, allot of change, allot of good, and allot of hard. And in Everything, My Father is here.

Sometimes I realize my dependence on Him sometimes I do not; it always goes better when I do.

Tonight there are still allot of questions in my heart.
"Father, where are we going; you and me?"
But now I ask myself, "Does that really matter?" As long as I'm with Him, the answer is, simply, "no, I guess it doesn't."

I am My Beloveds and He is mine. Apart from Him I am nothing.
With and IN Him, I can go wherever He leads and lean on His strength to do what He commands.

May we come to know Him as our All in All.

If you have a minute, be blessed by Chris's song who's link is at the bottom of this post.

Abiding,
Rachel



"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe, blessed are the hands that keep giving though they never receive, and blessed is the heart that gets broken, but keeps holding on, keeps holing on for another day 'cause that's what it means to live my faith." -Chris Rice

How ya been?
I've been up down and all over the place this year already! Both literally and emotionally. Literally I have been to North Carolina, Virginia Beach, Wisconsin and back again. This year has been crazy already!
Emotionally, the downs have come from an inability to see myself covered by His grace and free to simply live move and have my being in Him. I kept wanting rules. Directions. Law. I was Looking for a way to know that I was "OK" other than just receiving the Grace to walk with Him moment by moment. It's been such a chalenge to comprehend the reality of my "rightness" with God because of Christ. But He (Jesus of course) has always been with me I just have not been aware of Him. The song I started singing long ago is finally beginning to sink in; Still the words "Jesus loves me" Have been some of the hardest words for me to truly believe.

So friends, Instead of spewing a bunch of wisdom now and forgetting it tomorrow, bit by bit I hope to digest and share How the Lord continues to bathe me in His abundant grace and illuminate my darkness. This is only the beginning. I can't wait to recieve what He has for me tomorrow!
To you who know what it is to be broken, I love this... "wholeness is brokenness owned and thereby healed.'-Sister Barbara Fiand.
I look forward to growing together in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ; who has brought us peace and made us heirs of His righteousness! To Him be Glory and praise forevermore amen.

Hi friends. I have some old posts that I never posted. I will probably post them after this.
Not gutsy enough to share them till now.

What a mystery this journey is. Today I fight against fear...fear of standing still and fear of moving forward. My Father did not give me this spirit of fear.
You know I love you Father. I know I am your beloved.
Faith, Faith is trying to push up from deep within my heart. It is here saying "You are not what you do. Trust the one who loves you to lead you. Go to Him. He knows your purpose and your destiny. You were born of Spirit, a child of freedom, a child of promise, a child of God."

May I move forward in Faith Father, leaning on and believing every word you've spoken to me.
Amen

pain

Peace. To those of you who have not seen anything new on here in a while here goes.
Gonna do this journal-style today.
Let's face it...Life is way hard sometimes. I have been so weak lately. Needing God so bad. He has been so tender with me. Mostly showing his love through amazing friends.
Friends who patiently listen to me whine cry and ramble; parents (and God)who have held me while I scream and sob. You may be like.."what the heck is going on Rachel?"
And some of you know. The bottom line is my world and view of life is being shaken at the core...-major. Sooooo, I found myself asking all the basic questions of faith...and needing to have faith because I FELT very little but pain. Which I am learning is not exactly a bad thing. Who wants to suffer?-----......-----Yeah, that's what I thought.
But He told me there is fellowship here...in the midst of pain. Sweet fellowship with my Lord even while I'm suffering. It's ugly...plain and simple, there are no delusions about pain in my mind. It sucks to feel ...sucky. But God is there.
What shook me up so much was that I basically believed all my life that:
If you follow God sincerely he wont let you make mistakes..at least not BIG ones.
If you try to follow God he surely won't let you be deceived.
If you mess up God will punish you with PAIN...cause he has to. (thus, just don't mess up 'cause Hun, it just ain't worth it.)
So where am I now?
Well, people...everything...my whole heart is hanging from my sleeve.
I gotta lot of issues that go way back and have to do with how I was raised...false view of myself and a false view of GOD.
I don't want to just..*WHOOP* change my mind and "know" the truth. There is nothing wrong with that. It's a start. In addition to that I want to let God do a work deep in my heart. So that I can know experientialy how God views my decisions and choices.(the good and the bad and the ugly) And the kicker, how do I not be afraid of pain and view it as punishment.
For I am learning that Jesus took ALL of my sin and made me un-punishable.
It blows my mind.
I am still afraid, honestly, to make mistakes. One thing I am gonna do about that is go to a retreat this weekend called Seeds of Grace Ministry and let God calm, and quiet my...frenzied heart.
Pray that I will receive his Truth into my innermost being.
That is my prayer for you as well friend.
Remain in Him, and let His words Remain in you, and you will bear much fruit.
Freedom,
Rachel

So....
GOD IS GOOD.
In fact He is the only good thing ever!
The wonderful thing is that He can be seen in everything He created.
The only good thing in me (or about me) is God! But wait, don't feel left out! The only good thing in you is God too! (I think I really over used the word thing).
Ha.
How much fun is it to know you are perfectly helpless without this amazing God?
(If you think you are earning God's love you prolly won't like this too well.)
You did know He was amazing right? (just look at the stars!!)
I think it is fun (good, incredible, and completely necessary) to be dependant on my daddy and his love for me. Especially when I realized what an awful person I am without Him. Yeah, that was tough. Finding out I was messed up and even my relative "holiness" looks disgusting next to Him.
Ah, (happy relieved sigh) I am no longer trying to earn my Father's love.
I also learned He loves me where I am and sees my heart so he knows what a wreck I am; yet, because of the new heart he gave me I desire to be a pleasing child.
That makes Him happy. I know.
He said for me to delight in Him.
That is easy when you feel delighted in first.
Not so easy if you feel condemned and unable to attain the love of God.

Boy... This is random but a new post none the less.
Bless you child of God.
1 John 3:1 "See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!"
LoveLOVE
Ray